Today is the day. The movers have come and gone, the carpets have been cleaned and we are handing the keys over to our renters tonight. This is a wild ride. I was reading a sweet story few days ago, trying to find some comfort in this whole move situation, and there, staring back at me on the page was Proverbs 3:5-6.
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
In all the chaos that has ensued over the course of the last few months with making the decision to move, John commuting back and forth to UT while I stayed home to run kids around and keep life as semi-normal as possible, and making trip after trip hunting for a place to settle our family, I have felt VERY uneasy and discouraged about the whole thing. I know that remodeling the new house should be something exciting (and it really is a dream), but my anxiety over uprooting kids and moving to a place that I’m really not crazy about, has kind of overshadowed everything that should be fun and exciting. Bottom line…I’ve been having a REALLY hard time. There, I said it. I have felt like I am in a constant state of fighting against what I know is right for us and what the Lord wants us to be doing right now. (I wrote a bit about more about my experiences here.) I have finally come to the conclusion that that feeling, the one that has been making me constantly miserable and making me feel like I have been fighting a never ending battle, is FEAR. As much as I love to get out and explore new things, I am also a total homebody. I have been here in this same neighborhood/house since I became a mom. That brings with it a serious sense of security. I haven’t had to make new friends, or really get out of my comfort zone for a VERY long time. As much as I have been worrying about the kids and how different their lives will be, I think deep down I am also very concerned about how I will fare. I’ll be the one at home alone while everyone is at school or work all day. I’ll be the one that has to find new doctors and grocery stores and cleaners and learn new “mom taxi” routes. I’m going to have to drive in SNOW…meet new neighbors…make new friends…get involved in new organizations, a new church community…the whole nine yards. Leaving this house, our home…the one where I have raised my babies, and have all my friends and things I love, is sad and scary. Frankly, it all seems completely terrifying to me.
As I sat reading that story after praying for comfort, it was no accident that those words popped up on my page. It’s funny how the answers to our prayers come sometimes. I’ve had those verses memorized since I was a teenager, but they have never once crossed my mind in all these months of confusion and difficulty. In the last few days, as we’ve been wrapping up all the loose ends here, those words have brought me comfort and joy. I WILL trust in the Lord, that He has great things in store for us. I’m not even going to try and understand why we need to do this at this point in our lives because it probably won’t make sense to me right now. I will always acknowledge His hand in blessing us along the way. I may not understand WHY we are being directed to Utah right now, but I definitely know that we ARE being directed there, so I will go in faith and embrace the change.
I’m leaving this post with a few favorite pictures of our CA home.
I hope that you will join me in this new adventure. This blog is a comfortable home of sorts that gets to come with me wherever I roam. 🙂 Have a wonderful weekend and I’ll see you in Utah next week!